Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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