Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
