I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
