nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Who did Billy Mays play for?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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