you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
