I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
