she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
