FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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