Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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