The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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