you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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