Jerry, you need to find god
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
That accounts for only three of the penises
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
