So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
