I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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