this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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