A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
