I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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