sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
