I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
