uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
