ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
