There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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