Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
