Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
