Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
