i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
