12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
