Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize