I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
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still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
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Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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