Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
