How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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