Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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