Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
