why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
