Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
we're making bets on your personal life
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
