Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
