I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
