It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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