yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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