This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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