using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
