I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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