that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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