i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
