smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
