Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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