How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
