im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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