is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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