i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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