is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .