i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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