I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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