the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
