I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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