the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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