of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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