My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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