just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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