his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
