i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
