I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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