He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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