We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you didnt know i had herpes?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
