what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Randomize
