I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
