I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
