maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
