I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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