My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
