Sry I called you an 8
Swine flu is the new snow day.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
