dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize