I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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