Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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