i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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