Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
