why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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