Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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