I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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