I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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